Monday, July 19, 2010

a strange feeling...

040710_ Donkey on the beach

I watched this donkey walk along the beach in Scarborough... he/she didn't have a rider unlike the donkeys that carrying Dayna & Miriam... but felt compelled to walk with them. It was a bittersweet sight... one that has stuck with me.

On returning from my holidays... I had a strange feeling. I'm not entirely sure how to describe how I feel other than to say I can empathise with parents whose children have left home.

I'm being metaphorical, of course. Neither Dayna or Miriam have left home. Its just the closest I can describe the feeling.

I used to be part of things. Lunchtimes held a certain excitement for me as I met with various folks to discuss/collaborate/plan/participate and dream dreams in the "missio dei".

I feel like I have been left behind. I feel like the people I met with are now "out there" doing... being... and I'm still here. Left behind.

I can't put my finger on why I feel this way. Its just that I do.

My lunchbreaks still involve meeting up with some wildly amazing people... each an expert in their own field of geekery... that I can learn from and be with.

Thing is... I don't think is just my lunchbreaks but in general - my lunchbreaks being a noticeable "symptom".

I am inactive in the "missio dei".

I no longer contribute to the "missio dei".

I no longer participate in the "missio dei."

I'm not sure where to go with this... and have disabled comments because this isn't a deliberate whine to get sympathy.

Its just how I feel.



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